Rapes, patriarchal ideology, gender-based discrimination, being unfaithful. The XY-Chromosome of the Y-Gen is under a lot of hate. Oh I am gonna be in so much trouble by the end of this article- Today, I am going to try and justify the ‘manly’ side of the society. Don’t get me wrong. I am a feminist… of sorts. I know men can be gits. And most incidents are brought into action at some level when the male ego gets hurt. I just believe that sometimes, the hatred is generalised, blown out of proportion, and making sense or not, thrown at the entire male population.
I was even told to never let a girl pay when you go out, because that is not manly at all.
Now, before you start gritting your teeth and cracking your knuckles to get on a writing spree, calm down. Hear me out first. Let’s start small. I will talk about me. I was brought up by my parents in a very decent way. I was taught to be a gentleman, be the good guy, do the right thing, never hurt a girl or a woman, and to do all the other things that are expected from a “real” man, as most people put it. I was even told to never let a girl pay when you go out, because that is not manly at all. I started following these statements religiously; so religiously that when an aunt from my building took us all kids to an ice-cream party, I tried paying for all of us with the 20 Rupee note that I had in my pocket, and I wouldn’t take no for an answer. That was probably 5-7 years ago. I was a young kid in my teens, and maybe, just maybe my actions were brought on by my developing need to impress girls my age.
You get the idea. I was a sort of good guy. At least, that was the idea then. It used to be drilled into young boys’ minds that when we grow up, we have to be the knight in shining armour (as opposed to torn shorts and sweaty tees) and the bread-earner of the family.
And then it all went KA-BOOM! Women brought on a revolution in such a short period, took the world by a storm, climbed the corporate ladders to the top, did everything right, better than men, faster than men, and without all the male ego of “Kneel down to me, puny humans; I just got the printer working. I am the King! I am the Master! Muhahahahaha!!” (Imagine a guy in gladiator wear for added effect.)
Two things. One, I am not saying that the women revolution is a recent thing. Two, this is not a bad thing. Instead, it is an amazing thing.
Two things. One, I am not saying that the women revolution is a recent thing. Contribution of women towards the progress of this world can never be undermined, and it has been around since the beginning of time. It has just come to the forefront with a blast in recent times. Two, this is not a bad thing. Instead, it is an amazing thing. Frankly, more minds working towards solving of any problems has never been a bad thing. And women have a different way of thinking than men. Sometimes, all a problem needs is just a different perspective to the same thing.
So, there I was. Meeting girls and women, who are independent, earn for themselves, think for themselves, and don’t really need guys to do what they are traditionally asked to do. The minds of men that were hard-wired to be the protectors and providers went into a state of confusion and hyper-drive as they tried to decipher what just happened. The position that men believed they held as the head of the house was suddenly in jeopardy. That is where we, men, made the mistake. Men have a hard time dealing with change. A sudden change is bound to rattle us. And for a change to settle, it needs to be very gradual. So, when women came out with a bang, most men felt threatened, and instead of taking it as a positive change, we starting lashing out in unacceptable ways to reclaim our lost territory.
I would like to talk about the problems and confusion with the ‘acceptable’ manliness. It’s a paradox. It’s goes as “Be a man. But, don’t be so man kinda man.” Be a man who follows his heart, makes a path of his own. But earn enough to support a big family. Fix stuff. If you can’t, you are a sissy. Always be good in bed, and keep women’s orgasms at higher priority. But, no pressure.
Keeping that point aside for a minute, I would like to talk about the problems and confusion with the ‘acceptable’ manliness. It’s a paradox. It’s goes as “Be a man. But, don’t be so man kinda man.” Huh? What’s that supposed to mean? Let me tell you. Men have a very conflicting line to deal with. A man has to be a good father, good husband, care for what a women feels or wants, but shouldn’t care too much about what they think. Men need to be emotionally available, but be emotional and you lose your manliness. Be the alpha male. Or you are not really a man. Be physically strong enough to beat the crap out of someone, but be a peace keeper. Be a man who follows his heart, makes a path of his own. But earn enough to support a big family. Don’t be so stuck with always looking for something to compete with. But win. It’s a man’s world, so you have everything at your disposal; everything is readily available to you. If you still can’t win, you are a loser. Fix stuff. If you can’t, you are a sissy. Always be good in bed, and keep women’s orgasms at higher priority. But, no pressure.
You see what I mean? Men have to fight with women as well as other men to make a stand, and be noticed over a crowd of 7 billion. And it’s a tough spot to be in, especially if you can’t follow either side of the paradox. Oh and did I mention that “Men don’t cry, men don’t complain!”? Really, when women can equal out men at almost anything, there needs to be something exceptional in you for a woman to choose you over someone else. And I tell you, it is an embarrassing situation for an average Joe.
Now, you’d think that with the recent changes where women have become more independent and self-reliant, this extra load would be reduced, since women want to help with finances of the family, be an equal part of the work division and everything, but it does the exact opposite. It puts even more pressure on men to perform because it is still socially inacceptable for you to earn less than your wife. Being the care-taker of the house while the woman goes to work is even worse, and really really really unmanly. The society holds double standards.
Men no longer know what to do. The predefined laws for men have been re-written, and we don’t yet know what the re-written version is. So we act stupidly, randomly, and in any way we can think of, to bring the old structure back.
This is where I bring back the point I left hanging for why men feel threatened and lash out in acceptable ways. Men no longer know what to do. The predefined laws for men have been re-written, and we don’t yet know what the re-written version is. So we act stupidly, randomly, and in any way we can think of, to bring the old structure back.
This in no way justifies what certain men do. Raping, gender discrimination, harassment, and all the other problems that women face are the worst kinds of problems. People need to be aware of the fact that these are not recent problems brought on with the change. They were a problem before, and they still are. So, this is what I am trying to put forward. Not all men are bad. I talked about the problems faced by men during this women revolution, and pitched it against problems faced by women from the male population in general. It just shows challenges faced by both genders.
And this brings me to the main reason why I wrote this article in the first place. Every day I read the newspaper, and I read about someone getting raped, someone getting murdered, some thefts, office harassment, and everything else wrong in the country. And men stand at the epicenter of it all. I can’t help but wonder if this is what we have come down to? Is that what men do now? Sacrilege the sanctity of women?
No, not all men do. There are many, many men who would rather die than hit a lady. There are many men who are not physically strong enough to hit anyone, but would still stand up for injustice. I see them around me. They exist. It is not a fictional statement I made up, to satisfy or justify it to myself. That is precisely why it hurts the most when I hear generalised statements like “Men are dogs.” Or “Men don’t respect women.”
Yes, men have made mistakes. Big ones. And men who do wrong things deserve the worst kinds of punishment. But does it justify generalising and blaming the entire male population of being the same vulgar kind?
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